My Daddy

I hate Fathers Day, I always parents divorced when I was 8 and within about 4 years my relationship with my dad had pretty much dissolved into nothing...years passed with little or no contact.  My dad meant the world to me, he would take us in the back of the van all over Ireland and we would sit and watch him fixing boats or working on someones farming machinery, we had many a memorable holiday in County Wicklow and to this day Powerscourt still gives me a tingle and I feel close to him when I'm there.  He raced bikes, fixed bikes and taught us how to ride from we were no height at all.
He had a massive heart attack when I was 19, I went to the hospital to see him but didn't know or recognise this man, I found it all very upsetting. When I was 21, I plucked up the courage and rang him, we met up a few times over the years, but there was always a slight awkwardness, I never really felt that he knew the real me.  He did however share the same passion for good food and wine as me and we chatted endlessly about Art...he had a huge art collection, mostly Irish artists...we both love J.P. Rooney. 

On Wednesday 11th June 2008 I woke with a strange feeling, you know those mornings where everything goes wrong and you just know somethings happened?  I eventually got ready for work and rang them whilst walking down the road to say I was running 10 or so minutes late...I wasn't even in work 15 minutes when I got a call from my older brother saying he just heard that dad had a stroke on Monday and was in the Causeway Hospital in Coleraine...after a few minutes of getting myself together and ringing around my other brother and sisters and my mum, I left work and headed home to pack a few things in order to get the next train down home...within half an hour I got a call from my sister that stopped my world....he had passed away.

I never got to say goodbye....

He had just turned 63 on the 7th of June....the funeral was Friday 13th and Fathers Day was on the 15th....not a good week, and the reason I still hate Fathers day!
Id give anything to have one last day with him....or one hour even.

Nanite Daddy, Sweet Dreams xx


NOfkantsCurios said...

Oh Sweetheart! Wishing you every hug in the world! I can't imagine what it would be like without my Daddy, and I still call him that, even at 43 yrs old!

I'm sure he would want you to be happy and remember him fondly on special days like Father's Day, but I quite understand how hard that must be for you!

Shedding a tear and sending you love!
Natalie x

Anonymous said...

That was a very powerful piece of writing and must have been hard for you to write father is still around but doesn't seem to want to share any part of my life but your writing has made me think about how I would feel if the same thing happened.
Big hugs
Trish xx

Kellie said...

thank you...Trsih all i can say to you is dont let it happen, trust me, it makes it so much harder xx

LittleAnn said...

Kellie, this must have been a hard blog for you to do, you have some wonderful photos and memories, much love, Ann x

Gemma said...

Oh Kellie. Big hugs

Dready Derry said...

hugs! daddies are always a girls best friend, im sure he always knew the real you <3

Ashley Wrench said...

I know how hard that must have been for you to write. My dad died of a massive heart attack nearly 4 years ago and I never got to say goodbye to him. It just feels that you need just 5 minutes with him and you will feel so much better. Big hug x

(Sorry for some reason this is on my son's google account! I'm Caroline from Red Moon!)

Dottie Designs said...

This must have been so hard for you to write Kellie.
Big Hug....Dottie x

BlueBoxStudio said...

So sad. My dad died of cancer when I was 17. He'd been sick since before I was born and for one reason or another I never really knew the 'real' man, just the one with a lot of 'issues'.

Fathers love you unconditionally, I just never knew it at the time.

trinket box said...

You've left tears in my eyes!

*big hug* This must have been difficult to write. I really sympathise Kellie. The best thing you can do is try to remember the good times you had with your Dad. It sounds like there were plenty when you were little, and he does sound like he was a great Daddy! I'm sure he knew that you though that too.


miadesign said...

How sad, but a lovely, heartfelt blog.

My dad loves motorbikes too, we have to go into the garage to talk to him.

Dads always know you love them.

Love Lois

Konnie Kapow! said...

I'm actually in tears here reading your blog and everyone's comments. You brave lady to write that!

I haven't been getting on very well with my Daddy lately (not that he'd know) but this has helped me get some perspective!